One of my homegirls hit me up talking about this dude she was dating. Let's call her Sandy and him Lance. Lance and Sandy had been dating for a 6 months and had a pretty solid relationship. Now Sandy likes to go out and Lance is well aware of this. So they went out with some friends and the bill comes and Lance's head goes down. He's like a deer in the headlights. He is avoiding all eye contact with Sandy. This is classic "I'm broke as shit behavior"
Now I'll be honest, I've been there. You talkin to a man that doesn't keep alot of money in my checking account. Not by choice I just aint got no money to keep in it. I used to call and check my balance 3 times a day just to see if anything had been deducted from my account. This is also some "Broke as shit behavior" People who have money and know how to use it know when money is coming out of the account. I get excited when I have more money in my account then i know should be there. Then I get scared cuz I'm like who didn't take any money out. It's sad I know but I've come along way.
Some other examples of "broke as shit behavior":
- Your friend never goes anywhere unless they know you are paying.
- Someone who says they don't have any cash on them. Bring your debt card bitch
- The person that always says you owe them a drink
- The person that tries to make obvious bets. i.e. "Yo I bet you a drink I can get that girls number." "My dude shes your cousin" "So I still bet you"
- You keep putting 5 dollars in your gas tank. Gas has been 3 buck for years now step up your game.
- You order water and extra lemon to fill you up.
- You ask to go half on a dollar menu item.
Ok so back to Lance and Sandy. So Sandy paid the bill. She was trying to continue the good vibes of the night and hold her man down. Sandy is a good girl but she's been down this road before. Many of my female friends have had the misfortune of having to deal with all types of men. Those that exhibit things like "broke as shit behavior" Mr, Fuck and Duck, Conspiracy Theory Dude. My favorite is the dude that thinks he knows about politics, acts like Common, or some other type of neo soul dude; Doesn't eat pork , loves insense, back packer kinda guy. But get this dude drunk and the true basic bitch comes out. I don't have a clever name for them but I'm sure you all have an idea about what I'm getting at.
Anyway Sandy and Lance go to pick the car from the valet. Lance sneakingly slips Sandy 5 bucks to help pay for the car. Lance WTF! Sandy was not feeling that shit at all. The 5 you gave what's that for tip? So if this night was baseball Lance you got no balls and 3 strikes. One strike at dinner, 2 strikes at the parking garage, 3 cuz she told me. Fellas when ya lady starts telling her friends how broke you are it's not a good thing.
Three strikes you out. I mean she aint gonna break up with you. But any chance of sex went out the window.
Dear Lance, be honest wih Sandy. If you don't have any money you should let Sandy know from the get go. I also would say that you didn't establish yourself in the beginning. I love nothing more then when a woman is independent and will pay or offer to pay for things. Now what I do is usually pay for everything. It's just in my nature to do so. Because I usually do pay for most or all of dates I''ve established myself. If I'm short one week or two any girl I'm with isn't going to have a problem paying cuz I held her down most of the time. Lance you obviously didn't do that. This is not the first time you have displayed "broke behavior" Woman are very understanding, but they do have limits. Sandy does not understand how you have two jobs and she has to pay for everything. She doesn't understand why you couldn't be honest. If you broke, so you broke. Lance you think I'm the only one that knows you broke? Lance learn to BOB: Ball on a Budget. I can show a woman a great time with the dollar menu and boones farm. Ok, I'm not that good but you get the point.
Most importantly Lance if you ain't got no money keep your broke ass home. :)
